too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
