Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize