Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
