I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
