I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
