Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
