I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
