clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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