I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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