I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
