:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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