drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
