Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
