So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
