wanna go halves on a baby?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
