I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
