I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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