Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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