Jerry, you need to find god
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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