You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
