im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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