It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
