Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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