I'm laying in your front yard are you home
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
