Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
