If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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