I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
