I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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