Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
