i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
