just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
