The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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