It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
