idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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