Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
