Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
