..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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