tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
