so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
