I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
