I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
