I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
