If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
