Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
