On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize