they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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