one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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