My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
