dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
