Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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