I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
