I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
