She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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