I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize