Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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