She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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