I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
