so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
