that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
