I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize