He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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