Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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