I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
