One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize