New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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