If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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