girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
