She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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