Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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