you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
