in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
