having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
